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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Death By Squeezed Testicles

Just when I thought it was safe to roam the Internet without any convulsions of pain I came across the story of the woman in China who squeezed a man’s testicles so hard he collapsed and eventually died. All this ball squeezing was over a dispute for a scooter parking space. Oh yes, the ball squeezing crazies are still out there.

Seems that the woman wanted to park her scooter in front of the man’s market so she could pick up her child at the nearby elementary school. The man protested and she got pissed. One Chinese word lead to another and the attack was on. She even summoned her husband and brother to help beat up the shop owner.

Parents of the Chinese New Year!

In the midst of the fight the woman was able to reach her motherly hand between the shop owner’s legs and squeeze his testicles with all her might. He collapsed. He died.

Did his testicles pop out of the scrotum and bounce like ping pong balls along the busy market place? Do testicles actually bounce when released from the scrotum?

Mine have always been living in the warmth comfort of my scrotum, and have never been squeezed that hard.  Testicles can only take so much squeezing before the moment of pleasure turns painful, and I can only imagine the pain that poor man felt.

I’m sure years down the road the family will gather around the wok stir frying pea pods and chicken reminiscing about the mother who’s now shacking up with Big Bertha and the father and uncle shacking up with Big Bubba in the nearby prisons.

Hopefully Bertha’s squeezing the mother’s boobies so tight nightly the nipples bulge like too-filled water balloons ready to burst, and Bubba and his prison gang are squeezing the father’s and uncle’s testicles nightly hard and long enough to make them squeal like pigs.

She should’ve left the scooter at home and taken the bus.



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