Monday, June 17, 2013

Eat and Not Pay at the Alamo

I love food. I love to eat. I love to eat in restaurants. I also pay for my food and leave a generous tip.

Anthony Malabehar of Mattoon, IL doesn’t feel the same way.  He recently ate quite the hefty meal at the Alamo Steakhouse -  filet, snow crab, lobster pinches, snickers pie, two shots of rumple minz liqueur, and a Mike’s hard lemonade - and then refused to pay.  His tab was $69.27 and with a 20% tip it would be $83.00 (give or take a few cents).

What caused him to take such a stance?

Was it bad service from a surly waitress/waiter?

Was if bad food that quickly raced through his intestines with the intensity of montezuma’s revenge?

Was if bad restaurant lighting that made it difficult seeing cockroaches running across his table and food?

None of the above. It was a case of bad, bad manners from a bad, bad man.  He claimed he had no money to pay.

At first you would think Malabehar was really, really hungry and possibly homeless with a sad sob story that could reduce a cold hearted person into sympathetic tears, but that’s not true. This idiot ate like a friggin’ pig.  He knew exactly what he was doing when he ordered from every food group (though noticeably no vegetables or salad) and filled his face like a pig to a trough.

Turns out Malabehar, who’s been arrested over 70 times, had been doing it at other restaurants all over town. In February he was arrested for refusing to pay and sentenced to two months in jail, and was released the day before the Alamo Steakhouse meal.

He has never explained why he orders, eats, and refuses to pay.  Maybe it’s entwined into some sexual fetish where he gets totally aroused having a belly full of free food. Maybe it’s because he feels entitled.

Because of his prior arrest the judge sentenced him to three years in prison. 

Is that really punishment? 

For the next three years he’ll be eating three meals a day. Granted they won’t be filet, snow crab, lobster pinches, snickers pie, two shots of rumple minz liqueur, and a Mike’s hard lemonade, but they’ll be free, along with his accommodations.   You and I will be picking up the tab. 

I think we should refuse to pay.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Jump Up! with Hungry Jack

The other day I was clicking around the website.  I was looking for porn but got something totally different, and in the Vidz section came across something that musically inspires, is musically fun, and has an infectious dance.

It’s called “Jump Up!” by Hungry Jack. 

Now I fancy myself a dancer with great musical taste. As a matter of fact I have a dance of my own called the “Seduction Dance” that’s been applauded by those fortunate enough to see me do it.  It’s a simple dance that casts a spell over those who watch it igniting pheromones and lots of horny behavior.  If I were to release it unto the world there would be a chorus of screaming orgasms nightly as a result. It’s that powerful. 

Some day... some night... when you least expect it my “Seduction Dance” will invade your lives and the world will never be the same. Until then I recommend “Jump Up!”

When I first saw the 2:04 video I couldn’t sit still. I had to jump up and do the dance over and over and over again. 

The dance moves are really quite simple:

Jump up (4 times)
Get down (4 times)
Spin around (4 times) ** Beware this can be dizzying if you’re not a trained spinner.
Then Stop!
And do it all again...

The next time you see me strutting my Mick Jagger swagger down Main Street come join me and let’s start a flash mob of jump up, get down, and spin around.