Wednesday, September 11, 2013

On Your Head Naked Yoga

A picture is worth a thousand glances... and when it’s a naked woman standing on her head with her breast drooping down (gravity isn’t a breast’s best friend) with a naked child having a mid-day snack you can’t help but look and look again... and again... and let your imagination wander.

Did her yoga-prone titties demand a new breastfeeding position because they were tired of the  traditional wham-bam-thank-you-mam upright breastfeeding position she regularly favored?

Instead of the downward dog the child’s enjoying the upside down milkshake pose.  Thank goodness the woman’s not a hermaphrodite with a dangling penis to threaten rain over the breastfeeding child. Imagine that!

The woman claims it was not a staged photo. Really?  I don’t know about you but if I’m gonna get a full body shave/manicure and step outside naked and stand on my head on newly cut grass in front of picturesque trees and let a naked child nibble on my tittie I’m gonna make sure a photo is taken. For posterity. For proof I'm young and limber. For the Internet attention.

Why else go to all that trouble?

The woman claims “I was just doing my daily flow when the little sweet pea came to sneak a suckle.”   Who’s kid was that sweet little pea?

That’s her story and she’s sticking to it. I don’t believe her.

I must admit though I do wonder what it must feel like to experience a suckling sensation while standing on my head. So... tomorrow at sunrise I’m gonna sneak outside naked and find a picturesque area in my apartment courtyard to stand on my head and see what comes along to suckle on a special part of me.

With my luck it’d probably be a possum or a coyote or that weird creature who lives in Apartment 3D.

But then again I might be pleasantly surprised.

If all goes well I’ll be posting a photo soon.

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Jesus Melvin Christ

It’s with dismay that I read recently a mis-guided judge in Tennessee forced a mother to rename her child from Messiah to Mark because “the religious name was earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ.”


When I looked up the population census for Jerusalem in the year one AD it’s clear to see his birth record states his first name is Jesus and his last night is Christ. Did you know his middle name was Melvin? Jesus Melvin Christ.  (True!)  There’s no Messiah in that name. He weighed in at 6 pounds 6 ounces and his birth mother and birth father are listed as Mary Elizabeth and Joseph Conrad Christ.

So why did the Judge waste tax payers dollars to make such a silly ruling?

I think it’s because she couldn’t wrap her tongue around Messiah while singing “The Name Game” song.

“Messiah Messiah Bo Bessiah Banana Fanna Fo Fassiah Fe Fo Mo Essiah... Messiah!”  Try singing that repeatedly and your tongue will surely get all twisted and tied.

If you don’t know “The Name Game” song you should learn it. It was originally a huge hit for Shirley Ellis and many years later recorded by Laura Branigan. Here’s a performance from the great Shirley Ellis:

The non-impartial judge blurred the lines between separation of church and state on this ruling. It should be appealed.

What makes this so strange is that in 2012 Messiah was listed as #4 on the list of most popular baby names.

It’s now 2013 which means at this very moment there are a lot of Messiahs getting potty trained...