Friday, October 02, 2009

Holy Cow, I had an Epiphany!

Last night I was feeling rather sluggish and lazy. I didn’t want to work and I didn’t want to cook dinner. I didn’t want to read and I didn’t want to answer the phone. I didn’t want to listen to music and I didn’t want to take a hike. I didn’t want to be with friends and I didn’t want to be alone.

What did I do?

I poured myself a glass of Malbec and plopped my ass on the couch, turned on the television, and channel surfed. So many channels with so little worth watching.

I stopped briefly on my local Cable Access station to watch my local politicians blab on and on and on and on about nothing at all.

I watched a few Mexican soap operas, but since my Spanish pretty much sucks I found it difficult to keep my attention from wandering to the layer of dust on my windowsill that I was too damn lazy to get up and clean.

Finally after the umpteenth time surfing down the channels I stopped at CNN and watched Larry King interview Jon Gosselin, famous for having his sperm father eight children with a woman named Kate. Halfway through his interview something snapped in my head and I bolted up almost spilling my Malbec... I screamed out “Holy cow, I had an epiphany!”

And here is my epiphany: Jon Gosselin is a pathetic excuse for a man; a deadbeat dad who only thinks of himself; a celebrity whore with an ego as big as his imagined dick; a complete waste of media time; an insult to fatherhood; an embarrassment to the human race.

I immediately turned off the television, and started doing something constructive. I cleaned my windowsill.

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