Sometimes I wish I was being followed by an overhead camera so I could share my experiences while I roam the neighborhood.
As I walked along the boulevard today, I noticed a rather stately woman walking towards me with her little leashed dog trotting beside her. They looked so happy together that it made me fantasize about having a dog of my own. (Mine would be a corgi named Evelyn.)
The closer we got the stronger the I-want-a-dog pang… my heart was swollen with doggie joy…
When we were less than ten feet apart I readied myself to squat down and pet her little pooch and compliment her on its cuteness.
And just as I was about to squat, so did the dog… and so did the woman….
The dog was squatting to take a shit.
The woman was squatting behind the dog with an opened plastic bag ready to catch the shit before it hit the ground.
I, in the first phase squatting, quickly stood. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity and at the woman concentrating on catching the shit in her plastic bag, but the poor dog noticed me and, by the look on his face, I knew he was mortified.
How would that woman like someone holding a bag under her ass to catch her shit?
I wanted to tell the dog to wiggle its ass so the shit would miss the bag and hit the woman’s hand, but I didn’t.
My doggie joy moment was dumped on. All I could do was walk away, though I kept looking back to see if she got it all…
And she did…
I’ve decided my dog fantasy was a fleeting fantasy. I just know I could never walk the boulevard holding a plastic bag of dog shit.
Instead, I’ll just get one of those 2017 calendars that features cute dogs in cute poses.