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Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Oh Pee Pee

With all the media, money-hungry family members, and so-called business associates circling like ravens around the memory of Michael Jackson it should come as no surprise that the craziness that was Michael Jackson continues to flow freely.

Today I read about Jackson’s infatuation with peeing in front of people. Oh yeah, he thought it was funny to whip it out and pee in a cup while everyone sat around watching, including children.

Did Jackson think that the way he urinated was so unique and special, and different from all other men, that his celebrity penis was the fountain of youth?

We all pee, some while standing and others while sitting, but it’s still pee and not something everyone likes to watch others do, unless of course you have a golden shower fetish.

Now I’ll admit I have not always peed in a toilet or a urinal. There have been times I’ve peed in the woods, in an alley when I couldn’t find a nearby bathroom, outside my apartment building when I had to go so badly I knew I wouldn’t make it inside, and against the dumpster in the driveway of a mortuary.

Then there was that time I deliberately peed on someone’s car door to be mean and mark my presence (that was only once...okay twice... three times), but she deserved it. She was a morally uptight bitchy yuppy with attitude who thought, and told everyone, she was better than they were. I was hoping it would ruin her car paint, but it didn’t, so I stopped trying.

And I can’t forget the time I peed in the snow trying to spell my name. I got the M and I and C and H written and then the cold temperature made me shiver, shrink, and stop mid-flow.

But I’ve never just whipped it out in front of people, including children, to pee in a cup.

The only time I’ve ever peed in a cup is when I was at the doctor’s having a physical or taking a drug test, and I did it in the privacy of the bathroom.

Something tells me this isn’t the last we’ll hear of Jackson’s odd behavior.

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