Thursday, April 29, 2010

Green Green Green

Kermit the Frog is green. Grass is green. Broccoli is green. So is asparagus, mold, money, and the sheets I have on my bed.

Green is on the minds of everyone these days, and rightfully so. I much prefer green over that dreadful brown or black or beige or grey or neon blue.

People too are green... with envy. Oh yes, believe me.

These past few weeks I was working long, long hours and didn’t have time to get to the gym. That all ended last week when the project I was working on finished production, and along with the job ending so did the craft food table, the catering, and all the junk food to keep the carbs wrapped around my waist like a pitbull on a rampage.

This week I’ve been diligently heading to the gym to tone up. And yesterday while I was hanging from the pole doing my pull ups I noticed people were watching me. Ooh, it felt good.

And then as I was doing crunches I saw other people stealing glances. Ooh, I must be looking tight I thought.

And it happened again as I was doing push ups. Wow, my butt must be really looking good.

Then as I was strolling across the gym - full of confidence and adding a swagger to my strut - I saw even more people checking me out. My ego was swollen. I was convinced everyone was green with envy for my toned body.

When I got to the locker room one of the gym trainers approached. I braced myself for the compliment every kid who grew up husky awaits...

“Where did you get that thing?”

What? The trainer was pointing to the dangling thing in front of me. My smooth beautiful 9 1/2 inches of steel... my new green Steelworks water bottle. Oh that.

Deflated and defeated, I told him he could order it online, blah, blah, blah...

As I was leaving the gym I looked in the mirror and saw that fat husky teen with the baby fat that just won’t melt away no matter how many miles I run on that stupid treadmill.

Damn, I need a new gym.

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