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Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Silent Facebook Wars

Facebook can be wonderful. Facebook can be annoying. Facebook can sometimes gives me a perverse laugh.

It’s been wonderful collecting Facebook friends like I used to collect baseball cards. Some are treasured and valued and some I couldn’t care less about though I’m glad they’re there just in case they someday increase in value.

It’s annoying when a Facebook friend cannot stop posting stupid messages. Does anybody really care what you had for dinner or what you’re watching on TV or that you’ve just had a mind blowing bowel movement?

And then there’s the silent Facebook wars...

Oh yes, someone posts something and someone takes personal offense and ultimately un-friends that Facebook friend. And the un-friended friend doesn’t even realize they’ve been un-friended because they have so many friends on Facebook that one less Facebook friend isn’t even noticed. But the person who did the un-friending feels totally triumphant because they clicked that “delete friend” button like the were detonating a nuclear bomb. Pow! Un-friended!

Recently I noticed I’d been twice un-friended, and being in an investigative mood I decided to determine who had the audacity to un-friend me.

After careful examination I discovered the two fools who were stupid enough to partake in the silent Facebook war against me. Neither of them were Facebook friends I deemed wonderful; she was more a nuisance and he was a freaking fanatic.

It seems during Michael Jackson’s anniversary week I posted a simple wall post saying I didn’t think he was the king. She took offense and replied to my post saying Jackson was brilliant, a superstar, the King of Pop. Well one post lead to another and “pedophile” and “drug abuse” were mentioned. The bitch un-friended me.

I could say I was saddened to see her gone, but the truth is I was so friggin’ tired of reading her stupid posts about how she was trying to lose weight by sweating to the oldies at boot camp while her other posts raved about all the food she was cooking (enough to feed a third world country) and how she devoured all the cream sauces and brownies and cakes and pork chops.

And I could say I was saddened to see him gone, but he couldn’t stop posting how much he loved Michael Jackson and it kind of scared me. I think he must’ve partaken in a little too much “Jesus Juice” while he amused himself with a white glove. He obviously read my Michael Jackson post and got his boxer briefs in a tiny uproar.

To both of them I say beat it.

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