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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Green Dream

Yesterday I was riding my 21-speed bicycle home from the gym zig-zagging the side streets of Hollywood avoiding traffic when I saw something green lying in the gutter. No, it wasn’t the Grinch. It was much smaller. No, it wasn’t a dead Kermit the Frog, nor was it Kermit’s green penis. It was crinkled, papery and it seemed to be beckoning me.

I screeched my bicycle breaks and bent over and scooped it up in the palm of my hand. It was currency, money, a bill, worn, looking like it had been through a difficult life. I assumed it was a dollar bill and stuffed it into my pocket. Feeling the inner joy of being a dollar richer I pedaled home with renewed vigor.

Once home I prepared to shower and as I took off my pants I pulled the newfound dollar from my pocket.

Oooh... it wasn’t a dollar after all. it was a higher amount. I looked carefully, blinked repeatedly, and saw that it was a $1,000,000 bill.

For a brief - and I mean a very brief second - I allowed myself to believe it was real. I dissolved into the millionaire’s club. You know, the club where money is no issue, taxes are next to nil, and money’s power hangs like a halo around you.

I fantasized a new pair of expensive sneakers, a new bicycle to rival Pee Wee’s Big Adventure bicycle, a deluxe kitchen mixer, a fedora, a new car, a trip to England, a trip to Surabaya, a merry-go-round in the backyard of my new hacienda, and a crown of jewels to wear while I lounge on my thrown watching my big screen TV. Aaah...

Then I looked closer and saw there were tiny bugs crawling on the bill, and what looked like dirt (but could’ve been poop) clinging to the paper.

I threw the bill in the trash, tossed my gym shorts into the laundry, and immediately jumped into the shower and scrubbed my taut body clean.

For that brief second I was a millionaire lost in a green dream. Ooh it felt grand.

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