Wednesday, January 12, 2011

My Middle Finger Wounded

My middle finger on my left hand, my flipping the bird finger, is wounded. Yes, wounded and I really don’t understand how it happened.

I got on my bike to ride to the gym and noticed that my tires were a bit deflated. I immediately worried that the connoli weight I gained over the holidays was more serious than I thought, but then I checked the elastic waistband of my gym shorts and laughed at the absurdity of the thought. The pants fit me fine. (Yes they did, damn it.)

So off I ride and at the first gas station I see I pull in to inflate my tires. As a prepared bicyclist I always carry a tire pressure gauge gadget with me so I won’t blow too much air in the tires, sit on the bike and have the tires explode like a major fart beneath me.

As I let go of the air hose I glance at my left hand and notice something very strange. The top portion of my middle finger on my left was bent in an abnormal direction. It wasn’t painful, but painful to look at. My beautiful left hand was deformed. That friggin’ air hose hurt me and I didn’t even feel it.

I slowly pushed the tip to the left to straighten the finger but it immediately returned to the right. Because I felt no inner pain I decided it was a minor finger malfunction and continued to the gym where I sweated on the treadmill and pumped up the pecs. Through it all my finger bent abnormally, but I carefully kept it hidden from any inquiring eyes.

Once home I carefully washed my deformed finger and taped a wooden splint to it to return it to its middle finger glory. Until I’m healed...

Typing is now difficult.

Doing handstands is not possible.

Intimate moments will now require my right hand to be the dominant hand.

Piano playing and violin playing will have to wait.

And worst of all... If I don’t heal properly my hand modeling career might be over.

No comments: