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Sunday, April 24, 2011

Jelly Beans and Bird Poop

We all love queens. She-queens. He-queens. And everything in between queens.

Oh joyous, crown wearing royalty you take my breath away.

And when a commoner is about to become un-common the whole world takes notice.

Last week I was amused to read that a British man was eating from a bag of jelly beans and as he reached down to grab a bean he noticed the image of Kate Middleton, the soon to be wife of Prince William, staring up at him with her doe-like eyes.
She’s a pretty lass and as an orange jelly bean she’s an even prettier lass. If it ends up on E-bay I might be tempted to place a bid.

Not to be outdone by a Brit with a bag of jelly beans I too have made not one, but two image discoveries this past week.

The other day I was coming out of work and noticed some birds had pooped on my windshield. As I positioned myself in the driver’s seat I was about to turn on the windshield wipers to wipe the poop away when I suddenly gasped. There right before in the middle of the bird poop was the face of J-Lo. Yes, Jenny from the block, the Selena actress, the new American Idol judge.

I quickly drove to the nearest windshield store and had my windshield carefully removed. It’s now up on E-bay waiting for bids to make me rich, rich, rich.

The following day I left work and as I approached my car with its new windshield I noticed that once again birds had pooped all over my windshield. I leaned over my windshield, took a deep breath, and with anticipation raging like a forthcoming orgasm I stared...

And there in the middle of the poop was the face of Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin? What kind of cruel joke was this? I immediately grabbed a hammer and smashed the friggin’ windshield.

Tomorrow I’m taking the bus to work.

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