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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Eye in the Vagina

I love crazy medical emergency room stories. They might seem absolutely unbelievable when in fact they’re absolutely true.

This afternoon I came across a story of an ER doctor from the Detroit Medical Center who, when making her rounds, came a across a patient’s chart that read “Eye in the Vagina.” Eye. In. The. Vagina.

I know what an eye is. I know what a vagina is.

In my wildest imagination I’ve never thought about an eye in the vagina. And in all the porn I’ve watched I've never seen an eye in a vagina.

Questions suddenly arose. If there’s an eye in the vagina does it see what’s coming in and blink? Does the eye in the vagina ever get poked? How does one change contacts in an eye in the vagina? How does an eye in a vagina wear glasses? Would an eye in the vagina ever need to wear sun glasses? Does the eye in the vagina ever get pink eye? What does the eye do when the vagina has an orgasm? Does the intensity of the orgasm make the eye bloodshot, and if so, is there such thing as vagina Visine to get the red out?

My curiosity was piqued so I read on.

It seems the woman whose vagina was the center of attention did have an eye in her vagina. Her prosthetic eye. She placed it there for safety.... oh yes she did.

The woman was expecting to fight one of her neighbors and didn’t want to lose her eye so she took it out and slid it, along with her drivers license, into her vagina for safety. Why she didn’t just leave them in her trailer is anyone’s guess.

The only problem was when she wanted to remove her license and eye from her vagina she couldn’t get them out. Was it because her vagina was too tight? (Something tells me a woman who uses her vagina as a purse doesn’t have a too tight vagina.)

Maybe her eye didn’t want to leave the comfort of the vagina? Maybe the eye got a good look at her driver’s license photo and realized things were much prettier in the vagina than in the eye socket?

One thing’s for certain, I’ll never look at a prosthetic eye the same way again.

3 comments:

lc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lc said...

you need to read 'story of the eye' by georges bataille. early surrealism, lot of this going on. some eggs too.

Michael said...

Thank you. I will definitely check it out.