Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Deep Fried in a Vat of Rancid Oil

Sometimes a story comes along and you can’t help yourself but follow its insanity and snicker along the way. Such is the case with the New Jersey tanning mom scandal.

If you aren’t familiar with the story it’s basically about a New Jersey mother, Patricia Krentcil, who was arrested for allegedly taking her five year old daughter to the tanning salon. The over-tanned mother has of course vehemently denied the allegations and has since done everything in her power to milk her fifteen minutes of fame by flapping her burned lips to anyone who’ll listen. 

Here’s the mother’s picture:

Poor thing looks like she’s been deep fried in a vat of rancid oil.  How is that attractive? 

Her face skin looks tough, blotched, weathered, leathered and has certainly seen better days. I suggest vats of moisturizer and lots and lots and lots of shade.


When I first saw her on television I mistakenly assumed she was the little girl’s grandmother. Tuns out she’s only forty-four years old.  Ooh, the decades haven’t been kind. By the time she’s a senior citizen she’s gonna look like a mummy. 

Then I read she’s offered herself to Playboy for a pictorial.  Naked in the pages of Playboy?  The world isn’t ready to see her tan lines.

Maybe she doesn’t have tan lines? Maybe she tans totally nude? If that’s the case then her private parts must be quite crispy. No need for a Brazilian wax on her. Whatever was growing down there must be burned clean. 

Thank goodness Playboy declined her offer.

Suddenly I no longer think Snooki is the worst thing to come out of New Jersey.

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