Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Red Mattress

This morning I was riding my bicycle to the gym when I saw something about fifty yards ahead of me.   There on the side of the sidewalk was a discarded red mattress. It looked sad and forlorn. I just had to take its picture:

I’m fascinated with discarded furniture on the side of the road. I’m curious to know who put it there? What’s its’ story?  Did it have a happy life before its owner decided to toss it away? Who’s gonna be its new owner? Will end up in a landfill slowly rotting away or will someone take pity on it and bring it home?

This poor red mattress must’ve been there for hours, maybe overnight, because it was tainted with sprinkler spray. Whomever turned on the sprinkler didn’t think of the well-being of the discarded red mattress. They let it get wet. Who wants to rescue a wet mattress? Not even a wandering coyote or a rabid squirrel would take a nap on that thing.

It’s a double bed mattress so I imagine it had more than one person enjoying its comfort. Did they use it mainly for sleeping in a sexless relationship, or did it enjoy significant bouncing from two people passionately in love?  Or did its slutty owner have multiple sex partners rolling over it, sometimes more than two at a time? Was a baby conceived on it?

I glanced at the building it was in front of and it’s a rather nice building with, I imagine, rather nice people living there.  Why would a rather nice couple toss it so carelessly on the sidewalk? Was it the victim of a nasty breakup?

I felt an itch on my thigh.  Then it came to me... bedbugs!  Can bedbugs jump? Do they leap? I have meaty thighs. Are meaty thighs more palatable to a bedbug?

I quickly brushed my naked thighs and slowly backed away, jumped on my bike, and pedaled as fast as I could.

As I rode further down the street I came across a discarded box spring on the side of the sidewalk.  I couldn’t even imagine a happy story for it. All I could think of were bedbugs. I pedaled to the other side of the street.

I’m still itchy.

1 comment:

hams john said...

I second the Sleep Number recommendation. I had back surgery several years ago, after which we bought ours. Words cannot describe the difference it has made to the quality of our sleep. Tempur-pedic