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Saturday, January 05, 2013

A Kim and Kanye Miracle


It’s with a swollen heart of joy that I can shout out that the time is just nine months away from the birth of a savior, a Media Child, a child whose conception near the Vatican can only be a sign that we as a human race are about to be saved!

I’m talking about the child that’s growing in the womb of Kim Kardashian. 

Who cares about gun control, world peace, or the fiscal cliff when Kanye’s sperm successfully swam into the vagina of Kim and attached itself to her egg? It’s a miracle, a media miracle, a reality show in the making kind of miracle. 

We can be certain there will be lots and lots and lots of attention grabbing headlines. 

Kim Craves Pickles and Breadsticks

Kanye Raps Nightly to His Unborn Child via Kim’s Womb

Kim Sells Her Sonogram for Millions

Kate and William Jealous of Kim and Kanye

A Beverly Hills Manger is Being Prepped for the Big Day

Kayne Prays Baby Doesn’t Have His Chin

Kim Prays Baby Doesn’t Have Her Big Ass

My initial reaction - before the swollen heart of joy - was does Kanye need a DNA test? But then I realized that maybe I was being a tad mean. Sure Kim has had many men, but she’s older and wiser now (and still legally married to the b-ball player) and knows that carrying Kanye’s child is a media bonanza worth millions (bigger than her fake marriage). 

In a press release the ego-obsessed couple say they’re feeling “blessed” over the news.  

(What were we expecting them to say? The condom broke and damn we’re pregnant?)

Congratulations Kim and Kanye.

I feel your joy. 

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