Dear Flo,
For the longest time I hated you.
Whenever one of your stupid commercials came on my semi-big-screen TV I would hiss and throw whatever was close at hand at your ultra white face halo’d by that retro mop of dark hair and hideous headband. I swore on a stack of insurance inspired Bibles I would never like you and I’d never ever buy Progressive Insurance.
I would tell anyone - fellow treadmill runners at the gym, drivers of cars next to me at red lights, the cashier at the grocery store, my proctologist, the drug addict who lives across the hall - how much I loathed you.
But then you started to appear everywhere. No matter where I was there was you. Absolutely no escape. Your face was in my constant visual landscape!
You even invaded my sleep. At first they were sweat inducing near death nightmares, but then...
Something began to happen. Something out of my control.
I began to stop whatever I was doing to watch you more closely. I began to smile, not hiss, and my arms refused to grab the nearest object and toss it at your face. I would make any excuse possible to go to bed early hoping to see you in my dreams, where you and I would be running in a field of blue and white daisies singing the theme from The Sound of Music. So romantic. The hills of my dreams were alive!
I began scheduling “Flo Time” where I’d sit in front of my semi-big-screen TV and await your loveliness.
I even took picture of you on my television with my iPhone. And whenever I’m away from my television you are just an iPhone photo away (and I don’t go anywhere without my iPhone).
Oh Flo, dear Flo, there’s a thin line between love and hate, and you have won be over. Heart over heels over heart for you.
There have been other commercial stars - Jared the Subway guy, the Wendy’s “Where’s the Beef” lady, the Old Spice guy, Madge the manicurist, the stoned Dell Computer dude, and the Geico caveman to name a few - but no one compares to you.
You are an American icon.
I think I love you.
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. - I’m dumping State Farm Insurance to be closer to you, my Progressive Insurance Gal.
P.P.S. - Next Halloween I’m going as you.
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