Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Need Advice? Ask Yourself What Would Ryan Lockte Do.

Life is full of hard questions and life changing personal choices. Making the wrong decision could possibly pave the way for a tragic personal consequence.   

My fragile existence cannot afford any more wrong turns down a dead end street.  

To alleviate the pressures of responsible decision making I have decided, after careful consideration and watching promos for world-class Olympic-medal-winning-swimmer Ryan Lockte’s new reality show, to only make decisions after asking myself “What would Ryan Lockte do?” 

Once I determine what Ryan Lockte would do I am going to do the COMPLETE  OPPOSITE.  It’s a sure fire formula for success. 

I can only assume Ryan Lockte’s apparent low IQ is a result of too much chlorine in his pool. Not his gene pool but his swimming pool. 

Sure the guy can swim better than some fish but beyond that he appears pretty much, well, dumb as a box of pubic hair.  
His phrase is “jeah”, and he spends too much ego-stroking time saying it over and over again.  According to Ryan to properly pronounce it you must put the emphasis on the “j” and “e”.  Not saying it the right way is considered boring, but saying it the right way makes you sound like a complete idiot. 

Try it and hear it for yourself.  Jeah. Jeah. Jeah.  Is that a hairball you’ve got stuck in your throat?

But without Ryan Lockte I would not have made a very important life decision.

When I pondered whether or not I should watch Ryan’s new reality show I thought “What would Ryan Lockte do?”  

For Ryan I’m sure that’s as much a difficult question as asking him to spell MGM backwards, but I do believe he would say to watch it.

So I’m choosing the opposite.  

Life crisis averted. 

I can feel my brain cells sighing relief. 

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