Thursday, May 23, 2013

Treadmill Desks and Internet Porn?

Keeping yourself physically active presumably keeps you healthy and in shape forcing the demons of age and the black grasp of death to stay at bay. 

But sometimes you’re so damn busy with your career and family obligations you have no time to trim the fat with exercise.  Your lifestyle doesn’t allow escaping to the gym, a quick jog, a sweat-inducing calorie-burning slutty lust-filled affair at the no tell motel, or taking a “weekend away” to the fat-reducing surgeon.

So what’s the solution? Treadmill desks.

The treadmill desk concept is you walk on the treadmill, at a walking speed of 1 to 2 miles per hour, while working at your raised desk.  If you’re at your desk 6 hours a day that’s close to 12 miles walking.  It’s multi-tasking from your brain to your toes.

I have a difficult enough time on the gym treadmill trying to walk and watch “The Wendy Williams Show.”  Sometimes her Hot Topics segments are so engrossing I miss a rhythm in my step and almost fall off the friggin’ thing.  A fall from the treadmill could really bruise my bum, and my ego.

How could I possibly type on the computer with complete concentration and chat on the phone with a business associate while my legs are in constant motion, and not sound like I’m having a self-induced moment of pleasure?   After treadmilling for a while I get a bit winded and my speaking voice sounds like heavy breathing. 

If you’re a phone sex operator then working at a treadmill desk might very well enhance the experience for your clients while keeping your butt fit and firm.

But what about solo-watching Internet porn while at your treadmill desk?  Wouldn’t that be a bit difficult when your hands are busy elsewhere and not helping keep your balance on the treadmill? Nothing would be more embarrassing than falling, passing out, and waking up in an embarrassing position when the paramedics arrive.

I’m sure treadmill desks with practice might prove beneficial, but instead of a treadmill desk I’m thinking a few less Oreos, no more KFC extra crispy breasts, no more peanut butter ice cream, and a nice new comfortable desk chair to fully enjoy Internet porn.

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