Monday, December 16, 2013

Weak Coffee, a Small Pot, and Waffle Wednesday

They say in life you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family.  I’d also like to add to that truth/untruth you cannot always choose the people you work with… and some of them can be… well… asses.

Am I suggesting I’ve worked with such folks? You bet.

Not so long ago when the intensity of coffee was not to the liking of a coworker (someone who spent more time in the kitchen eating and drinking than in his office working) he had the audacity to complain it was weak and needed to be stronger. He wanted someone to make new coffee immediately.

When I suggested he do it himself he huffed and he puffed like an arrogant ass and stormed off saying he was going across the street to buy good coffee. Moments later I watched the cheap bastard sneak back into the kitchen and pour himself another cup of weak java.

This fool is the type who most likely drinks instant coffee at home with powdered creamer, but gives the impression he actually knows the difference between a medium and dark roast.  His perk has runneth over.  And his coffee stained crooked teeth are a sight to behold.

Speaking of asses… it’s common for middle aged men to buy sports cars to make up for their sudden lack of virility, but in my office a middle aged man demanded a bigger coffee pot.

The office had purchased two new big coffee pots for the regular coffee and kept a smaller pot for the decaf. Why? He was the only one drinking decaf.

When he saw the size of the decaf pot compared to the other pots he pitched a fit.  He demanded the decaf pot be the same size or bigger than the other pots.

I am happy to report the apparent size of a dick is now in direct proportion to the size of a  coffee pot. Personally I think if he switched to regular and stopped drinking decaf his erectile dysfunction would finally stiffen.

But it doesn’t end there…

These two asses recently requested waffles on a Wednesday.  They wanted the office staff to make fresh waffles on a waffle iron (like their mommas did) and top them with delicious fresh blueberries. 

I suggested they buy a box of frozen waffles, pop them in the toaster, throw some artificial Vermont maple syrup on them, and top them with frozen blueberries so they’d feel right at home.

Two asses don’t make a right especially on Waffle Wednesday.

Egad… funny the people you meet when you don’t have a gun.

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