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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Celebration of Life Party

Have you ever wondered what your friends and loved ones would say about you at your funeral? 

I never gave it much thought until recently. As age increases there’s always the fear that you might be closer to the end than you think. When asked I always say I’m somewhere between 35 and death, hopefully closer to 35 than death, but hey… the clock only ticks forward and never backwards. 

A friend of a friend of a friend’s mother is facing the end and instead of waiting to die for a celebration of her life she decided to have a “Celebration of Life” party honoring herself.  It was a barbecue.  She made her famous potato salad, grilled lots of meat, and let the sangria flow freely.  Guests arrived with jello salad, chips and salsa, Trader Joe’s cookies, macaroni salad, and deviled eggs.


I heard it was quite the party.  Sure there were genuine tears of sadness, but in the end everyone had a terrific time and shared their memories and thoughts about the woman to her face. How sweet. How honest. How wonderful. 

This got me thinking of all the celebration of life possibilities for the near dead.  There could be themed celebrations such as black tie, super heroes, togas, nudist, Renaissance Faire, or even zombies. 

I’m certain Tiffany or Debbie Gibson or Aha or Vanilla Ice or even The Captain and Tennille would provide affordable entertainment. Maybe even Lady Gaga.  

If I were to do my Celebration of Life party I would do a Bowling Celebration of Life with musical entertainment by Kim Carnes. Everyone would be required to wear a vintage bowling shirt and to bring their balls. We would all bowl together sharing balls celebrating strikes, spares, and gutter balls too.  

There’d be lots of laughter, libations, and liver pate.  The multitude of people attending would recall glorious memories and tell heartwarming hysterical stories about me. They would shed tears like Niagara Falls when the party ended. And as they left I would present each one with my favorite flower, a sunflower.


Aah but I’m not quite ready to kick the bucket nor tidy up my bucket list. I anticipate another decade or two before I reserve the Bowladrome and send out the invitations. 

If money becomes an issue and I can’t afford a Celebration of Life party then I’d like to die quickly.  I’d like to have an intense fart followed by a sharp pain through the chest then belching “yabba dabba do so long folks!” and collapsing… and boarding the express train to heaven.  

My preferred way to die is to have the bowling party and then die of old age.  The actual moment would come during an afternoon nap.  When I close my eyes I’d see a tour bus like the ones those country stars travel in, and with Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers serenading me with “Islands In The Stream” I’d willingly board that bus… Destination Heaven. 

My death is something to look forward to, but not yet (I hope). 

In the meantime, as a precaution, I refrain from gassy foods and afternoon naps. 

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