Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Potential Dangerous Donut Trend

Fact of life: Donuts are delicious.

Jelly donuts are my personal favorite though I’ve never said no to any donut offered. 

I have been known to go to the airport extra earlier in order to purchase a large cup of Dunkin’ Donut coffee and one jelly donut and one chocolate donut. It’s what I consider my pre-boarding-airport-foreplay. I sit outside the terminal savoring each bite and sip as the flavors cascade over my tongue… ooh… ooh… aah… and once on the plane I nap in absolute donut-afterglow. 

It’s with much dismay that I recently read about the donut licking stunt pulled by an overrated egotistical brat… you know who I’m talking about… the girl with the Grande ego.

I fear that her fans (I assume she has some) will start a donut-licking spree across the country, posting selfies on social media boasting their conquest with snapshots of their tongues covered in powdered sugar, icing, or cream with trays of licked donuts in the background. 

Oh sure, she’s saying she’s sorry, but I think her apology is code for her fans to rally behind her and do the dirty deed themselves. 

I fear a world where all donuts shops lose their “A” ratings and sink to a “B” or a “C,” or worse, are forced out of the donut business because they were licked to death. 

There is no saving a licked donut. 

I imagine piles and piles of licked donuts with no place to go. Who would want them? No one, not even the dumpster rats. 

I implore everyone to be on donut alert. When you have a few free moments take a walk around the neighborhood and stop by the donut shop to make sure there are no hooligans with wagging tongues circling the donuts. 

Keeps your eyes open for any donut lickers. Call 911 when you see one in action. We must be vigilant!  

Save the donuts and prevent this potential dangerous donut trend from beginning and spreading. 

Without donuts my world will not be a happy place. 

And no one wants to see me when I’m in an unhappy place...especially the girl with the Grande ego.

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