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Sunday, August 23, 2015

A Kardashian Got a Bikini Wax

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

The big news of the week is not about war, starvation, plague, terrorism, or the abuse of human rights. 

The big news of the week is a Kardashian got a bikini wax!  Yup, a Kardashian vagina has been waxed and steamed and is now ready for business. 

And by business I mean exploitation.  Why have a vagina if it can’t generate attention and  income? 

But which Kardashian had the bikini wax? That’s the vaginal question on everyone’s lips.

Expect numerous TV appearance by all the Kardashian, sitting with closed legs, promoting their vaginas, but not admitting who got the wax job. 

There will be a cell phone app people can download for $2.99 so they can look at close-up photos pre and post waxing, video of the actual waxing (taken on an iPhone which makes a great marketing/money making tie-in with Apple) and then vote for whose vagina it is. 

Over the next few weeks, the water cooler conversation will be “Did you see the vagina waxing? Which Kardashian vagina is it?”

The winners of the contest will receive a signed glossy eight by ten of the waxed vagina signed by the Kardashian who’s vagina was actually waxed.

Humankind will be overjoyed when the news is announced. 

I can’t think of any better way to spend $2.99.

All the news channels are preparing for the winning results so they can spend hours, if not days, discussing the bikini wax, the effect it has on the Kardashian empire and the Kardashian sex life. 

There’s a part of me that admires anyone who can be so blatant with self-promotion, so greedy for attention, and so forthcoming with their vagina. 

Then there’s the part of me that wonders what’s missing in their lives that they so desperately need attention. 

Do they ever get tired of themselves?

The other day I got inspired by the Kardashians bikini wax mania and started to trim my pubes but got bored before I finished. Now one side of my penis looks like a manicured suburban lawn and the other side looks like a clogged drain. 

Whatever. 

It’ll grow back. 


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