Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Texting Zombies

Texting Zombies are taking over the sidewalks, the crosswalks, the parking lots, the parks, the streets, the bike paths, the hiking trails, the driver’s seat, the malls, and anywhere else you assume you’d find a person.

They look human – like boys and girls and men and women – but they’re unable to lift their heads up because their permanently damaged neck muscles only allow them to look down at their cell phones. Their stubby little fingers are permanently curled from grasping cell phones too tightly.

How did these Texting Zombies come into existence? For many, all it took was receiving just one text… just one text they answered too quickly… and thus, the addiction took hold. They’ve become the sad link to the de-evolution of mankind.

The other day I drove into a parking lot and was heading down a lane looking for an empty parking space when I saw a man walking towards me. He was in the middle of the lane. His head was down. He stubby little fingers were texting feverishly. I knew I was having a texting zombie encounter of the worst kind.

I kept driving and he kept coming towards me. Closer and closer we came.

I jammed on my breaks. He kept coming towards me… I honked my horn… He casually peered up at me, as much as his neck muscles would allow, and without missing a texting beat he walked around my car and continued on his unaware way.

I should have driven into him, but I was afraid of the damage it would cause… to my car.

It’s scary.

It’s dangerous.

Who the hell is everyone texting 24/7? I don’t know that many people with whom I want to constantly text. And the ones I do, I text when it’s convenient and doesn’t pose a threat to my well-being.  

Recently I was walking out of a parking structure when I saw a young man walking towards the parking structure. The arm of the ticket machine was up because a car had just left. Well… the idiot was so busy texting as he entered the garage – not through the actual walkway but through the clearly warned “this is NOT a walkway” area – that the arm of the ticket machine came down and smacked him on the top of his head.

He cursed and screamed like a spoiled little child, punching the ticket machine. I did the human thing and ran over to see if he was okay. Without looking at me or saying a word, he resumed texting and continued on his way.

I almost pissed my pants laughing at that sad stupid silly self-centered texting zombie.

Texting Zombies are everywhere…  


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