Some people fear clowns.
Some people fear spiders.
I fear deviled eggs.
My body tenses and my taste buds scream “Noooooo!” every time I see a tray of deviled eggs.
When I watch people savoring a deviled egg and raving how delicious it is, I have to excuse myself and leave the room before nearly succumbing to dry heaves. There’s something about deviled eggs that ignites my sense of fear in the worst way possible.
I have never put a deviled egg in my mouth, so my taste buds don’t know what a deviled egg is supposed to taste like. I just know having a deviled egg near my mouth is out of the realm of possibility.
I can only imagine that in a previous lifetime I was captured and tortured by an enemy and force-fed deviled eggs until I told my tribe’s secrets.
Or maybe in a previous lifetime I entered a deviled egg eating contest and stuffed so many deviled eggs down my mouth that I choked to death.
Or maybe in a previous lifetime I ate a bad deviled egg and got food poisoning that killed me with a painful gut wrenching slow-motion death.
I looked up the basic ingredients of deviled eggs and love them all.
I often eat hard boil eggs for breakfast and enjoy them with a slice of sourdough toast.
I truly love mayonnaise and have enjoyed kinky dreams about mayonnaise.
I have indulged many times in many kinds of mustards, from French’s to Grey Poupon, and like mayonnaise, have often dreamed quite the dream where mustard plays a main role.
Paprika is a favorite spice, along with pepper, so it’s definitely not the spices.
It’s just all of them together and I want to gag.
I’ve never confessed my fear of deviled eggs to anyone before. All my deviled egg making friends have no idea I’ve never tasted their eggs. I’ve always politely declined their offer with “I’ve already eaten and cannot eat another thing” or “I’ve already had one and wow, it was the best deviled egg I’ve ever had.”
I cannot lie anymore.
Maybe in this lifetime my life’s journey is to reconcile my fear of deviled eggs. If so, then I am going to need Divine Intervention to get a deviled egg past my lips.
Until that happens, #NoDeviledEggs is my favorite hashtag.
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