I love food and food loves me. It’s the core of my being, my foundation of nourishment. There isn’t a food I’m not willing to try, which makes me think I would’ve been a great traveling companion for Anthony Bourdain.
My cookbook fetish and cooking show obsession have me constantly exploring new recipes from all different ethnicities. I like to think I have a worldly palette with incredible taste buds.
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend of mine about eating. She was organically speaking, and I was suppressing exasperation.
Me: I’ve been exploring all these new recipes from my new Italian cookbook. You must come over for dinner soon.
Her: You eat way too heavy foods that aren’t good for you.
Me: Really? What did you eat today?
Her: I had an organic kale salad with organic kale, organic broccoli, organic tomatoes, organic red onions, organic beans, gluten-free croutons, with organic and gluten-free salad dressing made with organic herbs and organic lemons. And for dessert, I had a gluten-free cookie I made this afternoon.
Me: Why do you always have to say organic and gluten-free? Can’t you just say you ate a kale salad and for dessert had a homemade cookie?
Her: I’m only eating organic and gluten-free. You should too.
Me: Why?
Her: You need to eat better.
Me: I bet you don’t even know what gluten is.
Her: (a little too defensively, snapping) I do!
Me: Then what is it?
Her: (hesitating) It’s… well… (hesitating more) ... It’s something you shouldn’t eat.
Me: (suppressing exasperation) You don’t know what it is.
Her: I know my body and my body tells me I shouldn’t eat gluten.
Me: I eat whatever makes me happy. Today, I made a delicious ricotta pie. You should come on over. I’ll make coffee.
Her: Is it gluten-free pie?
Me: Ugh! I don’t like the taste of cardboard.
Her: if you ate organic and gluten-free like me, you’d be healthier.
Me: Really? I’m quite healthy, thank you. But please explain to me why, ever since the first day I met you, you’ve been constantly constipated and constantly complaining about your constant constipation. You haven’t had a good bowel movement in years. Mine are always good.
Click! She hung on me.
I immediately sat down and ate a slice of non-organic non-gluten-free ricotta pie and drank a huge mug of non-organic coffee while perusing my cookbooks for my next cooking experience.
I never heard from her again.
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