While roaming the streets the other day, I stumbled upon a
lonely dirty worn out tired desk chair that was tossed upon the sidewalk destined
to be soaked by the approaching rainstorm. It was a sad sight.
Though my heart was full of compassion, I knew the desk
chair was too far gone for my rescue. Fearing germs and insects, I didn’t have
the courage to touch it, but I did take its photo.
That desk chair made me think about the life it had before
being tossed out.
Like all desk chairs, it started its life in a desk chair
factory assembled by the loving hands of factory workers who took pride in
their work.
From there, it headed to the office supply store where it
waited patiently to be purchased by someone excited to own it, excited to “break
it in” so the seat’s cushion and their ass made a perfect pairing.
The highest honor of any desk chair is to have its owner’s
buttocks happily imprinted on its cushion. It’s this “desk chair cuddle” that bonds
the desk chair with its owner.
And then I wondered...
How many hours did its owner sit on it while watching Internet
porn or sexting? Did the owner always remember to place a towel on the chair
before the porn and sexting?
How many hours did the owner sit in that chair playing
Internet solitaire or watching Internet movies or searching Youtube videos or
tweeting or emailing friends or skyping with family?
Did the owner sit in the desk chair while eating, dropping
crumbs and spilling drinks, and staining its fake leather?
Did the owner clean the chair regularly, or did the owner
neglect its duty as a desk chair owner?
The desk chair didn’t deserve to end up tossed on a sidewalk
for passersby to make snide comments about its condition, to be left alone awaiting
the mercy of a junk collector, or to not be brought to a second-hand store
where it might have a second life.
That desk chair gave its owner the best years of its life...
So in honor of that desk chair, I challenge everyone to go home
tonight, sit on your desk chair and thank it for being devoted to cuddling
nicely with your ass. It’s because of that desk chair that you sit comfortably at your
desk doing whatever it is you do while at your desk.
Goodbye discarded desk chair.
May you rest in peace.
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