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Friday, April 20, 2007

Meow, Meow, Meow

When I was in the fourth grade my teacher, Miss Flynn, taught us a song called "Don Gato." It's a feline love story. Cat loves cat, cat falls from roof and dies, cat comes back to life. The first time I sang it I loved it. It made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

For many years I've been searching for the lyrics to this song. I would sing what I knew for everyone and anyone who would listen and no one knew it. Some even had the audacity to laugh at me. I was beginning to think the song never existed and it was merely a figment of my childhood imagination.

Lo and behold last week I warbled what I knew for a woman at work and she knew the song. Meoooow! From there I was able to surf the web and happily found the lyrics.

I'm so excited that I want to share them with the world. So here they are:

O Senor Don Gato was a cat.
On a high red roof Don Gato sat.
He was there to read a letter,
(meow, meow, meow)
where the reading light was better,
(meow, meow, meow)
'Twas a love-note for Don Gato!
"I adore you," wrote the ladycat,
who was fluffy white, and nice and fat.
There was not a sweeter kitty,
(meow, meow, meow)
in the country or the city
(meow, meow, meow)
and she said she'd wed Don Gato!
O Senor Don Gato jumped with glee!
He fell off the roof and broke his knee,
broke his ribs and all his whiskers,
(meow, meow, meow)
and his little solar plexus
(meow, meow, meow)
"Ay Caramba!!" cried Don Gato.
All the doctors they came on the run,
just to see if something could be done.
And they held a consultation,
(meow, meow, meow)
about how to save their patient,
(meow, meow, meow)
how to save Senor Don Gato.
But in spite of everything they tried,
poor Senor Don Gato up and died.
No, it wasn't very merry,
(meow, meow, meow)
going to the cemetery,
(meow, meow, meow)
for the ending of Don Gato.
But as the the funeral passed the market square,
such a smell of fish was in the air,
though the burial was slated,
(meow, meow, meow)
he became reanimated,
(meow, meow, meow)
he came back to life, Don Gato!


And if you're still reading this post, you can find a version of the song at the following link: http://gandronics.com/audio/don_gato.mp3

Meow, meow, meow!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Can You Feel It Now?

I have nothing against cell phones. I have one.

I do have something against inconsiderate, selfish cell phone users.

Every where I go I hear people on their cell phones chatting rather loudly about this and that and who's doing what with whom and other details of their boring little lives. And while they're chatting they're not paying attention to what's happening around them, and that pisses me off.

I was at a drive-thru window recently and kept waiting for the car in front of me to place his food order. I assumed he was placing a larger order so I waiting patiently. And I waited and waited some more. Finally he pulled forward and passed the pick-up window without stopping. When I got to the pick-up window I asked what happened and was told the man was on his cell phone and refused to interrupt his conversation to place his order. Then when he finished his call he realized he wasn't hungry after all.

How many times have you almost been hit by a car because the driver was too busy on their cell phone and not watching where they're going? I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to get a one way ticket to the white light that ends at the Pearly Gates because of someone on a cell phone. Death by cell phone is not my death of choice. My death of choice is old age.

So whom are all these people calling? And why do people have to be on the phone all the time?

I don't even want to start about all those silly ring tones? But take this as a warning: If I hear someone's phone spewing the theme from "Sex and the City" one more time I'm gonna grab it and smash it on the pavement.

Ooh… my phone's in my pocket and it just vibrated. Ooh… it kinda tickles.

I think I just found a new purpose for cell phones.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Cover Me Chocolate

There has so much controversy these past few weeks over the life-size chocolate Jesus, the "My Sweet Lord" exhibit that was unfortunately shut down before it opened in New York. What's all the fuss about? Chocolate's rich. Chocolate's sweet. Chocolate's loved by everyone.


We've seen the image of both Jesus and the Virgin Mary in potato chips. Then there was the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. We've also got the Velvet Elvis.

Personally I prefer chocolate over grilled cheese and velvet any day.

Artist Cosimo Cavallaro sculptured Jesus in more than 200 pounds of milk chocolate, and it stands six feet tall. To devote so much time to such a creation makes me believe that he did it with genuine feeling and without any malicious intent. If I were Jesus I'd be delighted be to covered in milk chocolate.

Last week hardly anyone knew about Cosimo Cavallaro. Now everyone does. In their effort to thwart attention to "My Sweet Lord," the protesters created incredible PR, not for themselves, but for the artist.

No PR is bad PR, so I think I'm going to continue with my own art project: an interpretation of the Last Supper made out of crushed Pringle potato chips.

Hey Cosimo, if you ever want to sculpt me in chocolate that would be fine, though I prefer dark chocolate.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Laugh Your Arse Off

This weekend I saw a preview screening of "Hot Fuzz," the new film by the creators of "Shaun of the Dead." Instead of zombies, this time they take aim at the testosterone male-bonding action adventure genre, and it's often quite hilarious.

Cate Blanchett makes an uncredited cameo appearance as the ex-girlfriend Jeanine, but you won't recognize her. She's a crime scene investigator in white jumpsuit with goggles and mouth mask. But the voice is hers.

What genre will they tackle next? How about the Western?