Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Oh Angus No


 Angus T. Jones aka Jake Harper form “Two and a Half Men” has found Jesus.  I can only assume that unbeknownst to the rest of us Jesus had somehow gone missing; lost in the mountains after slipping off his sandals and wandering barefoot away from the designated path of true enlightenment.

Now that he’s found religion Angus T. Jones wants everyone to stop watching the filthy show he’s been part of for nine years which has earned him millions of filthy dollars.

"Please stop watching it," Jones said. "Please stop filling your head with filth."

I wonder if Angus T. Jones considers the millions of dollars he’s made off of penis, vagina, breast, and fart jokes so filthy that he’s willing to give that filthy money away to charity and truly cleanse his bank accounts? Something tells me no, though I'm certain his church, his new found religion,  has its devil eyes on the money.


"You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that," he said. "I know I can't. I'm not OK with what I'm learning, what the Bible says, and being on that television show."

Oh Angus no.

When the story hit the media Angus T. Jones issued a statement apologizing, backtracking, spinning the story so he doesn’t jeopardize his lucrative gig and get fired like cast mate Charlie Sheen.

Take the advice my good friend Jesus said to me when I too wandered into the arms of a cult and denounced suburbia as the playground of Satan:  Shut the fuck up and get over yourself.

Jesus then took me out for tamales and chalices of red wine.

Soon all was forgiven and the next morning, after nursing a major hangover, everything was back to its filthy normal self.